Little Wolf's World

The Following arrived in several emails I received either yesterday or today.

Messages posted in Synagogues
Under the same management for over 5,765 years.

It was mealtime during a flight on El-Al.
'Would you like dinner?,' the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front.
'What are my choices?,' Moshe asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University :
'The future of the Jewish people is in your hands.'

A rabbi was opening his mail one morning.
Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: 'shmuck.' At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, ' I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name.... and forgot to write a letter.

A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish wo! men and asks, 'Is anything all right?'


WHAT IF FAMOUS PEOPLE HAD JEWISH MOTHERS

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
'This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?'

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:
'I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written.

'MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
'Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off of the ceiling?

'NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
'All right, if your're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!'

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
'Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?'

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER: ' Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!'

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
'Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!'

PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:
'I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is long past your bed-time!'

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
'But it's your senior photograph! Couldn't you have done something with your hair?

'MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:
'That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years!'

BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
'At least Monica was a nice Jewish girl!'

Do you have any to add to the Jewish Mother statements?

A different View of A Christmas Tale

What would have happened if three wise Jewish women had
gone to Bethlehem instead of three wise men? They would
have:
- asked directions.
- arrived on time.
- helped deliver the baby.
- hired someone to clean the stable.
- made a brisket.
- and brought practical gifts.

And what would they have said to each other after they left?

"Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that shmatta?"
"That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!"
"Can you believe they let all of those disgusting animals in there?"
"I heard that Joseph doesn't have a job."
"And that donkey they are riding has seen better days!"
"We'll just see how long it will take to get your brisket dish back."